omg

How the hell am I going to get EVERYTHING I NEED for a year into three suitcases? I've been in denial. Looking at them and then looking at even just my hair products make me clammy. Put the elephant into the Volkswagen. I'm afraid it's not going to work.

Shipping isn't an option -- 50 pounds = $250. I would want to ship only those things worth $5 a pound or more. Hm....broken down like that it doesn't seem so extravagant. I definitely have shoes worth $5 a pound to me.

When I was a little girl I was fascinated by the pioneers and the Oregon Trail stories. About 20 years ago I stood just south of Canada somewhere in the top part of Montana, and in front of me on the ground lay the remains of a homestead. Just the outline, really, of a tiny little house, and some rusty bits and a lot of broken glass. I remember being overcome thinking of the courage it must have taken to throw EVERYTHING YOU NEED into a wagon and head west. God knows I am doing nothing so brave -- Bangkok isn't the frontier, after all -- but I can't help thinking about those women as I make lists of what I need.

Of course, they needed stuff to stay alive. I need hair color and one good cocktail dress and what if we get invited to a gala should I bring a gown? You see the inherent difference. Survival vs. fabulous. Why am I not comforted??